A Grilled Cheese Sandwich for the Soul

It’s not chicken soup, but you catch my drift.

I’ve been experiencing some life changes lately and I thought I’d do some reflecting. Nothing drastic, just pondering old relationships and fresh ones while trying to grab a brand new nutritional lifestyle change by the horns. 

Yea, that’s right. I’m buying zoodles, (zucchini noodles), dairy-free milk, and reducing my flour intake…god help me. 

I’ll just cut the shit and admit to you all, that for years, I’ve been lying to myself about having not just a passion for food, but an addiction toward it. This addiction also involves (only) binge eating. 

I will tell you that I am a foodie. This is because I am fascinated by what other cultures eat and the ingredients that fuse so well together when paired. But behind my passion for discovering new dining spots, I struggle with a balance. I don’t have a healthy relationship with food. 

I don’t need to dig down the rabbit hole and bore you with details, but I will say that it is so hard to break bad habits. It is so hard to let go of something that has comforted you for all of your life. It is hard to say goodbye to the routine.

Just writing this makes me realize why I binge. Because it’s so easy to reach for the one thing that has always made you happy and you are certain it will never let you down. (Except when the jeans don’t fit).

Since February of 2013, I have gained 35 lbs over the course of three years. Why? Because I suffered a loss from 3 of my closest grandparents and great grandmother that I seeked comfort for. But I need to realize that I am ok.

I am ok to lead a life without them, knowing that they will stay with me wherever I go. I am ok to thrive, in my career and in my personal life.

I am ok to say no, if it means taking time for myself. I am ok to live a healthier lifestyle that I deserve. 

And I am ok to let go of all of this weight.

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Why I Cherish Every Moment

I’m laying in bed right now, trying to fall asleep. So naturally, I start having a full blown conversation with my conscience. 

At this very moment. I lay here in my warm cozy bed and appreciate everything that I have and don’t have. The reason why I feel this way is because life is too goddamn short to worry about petty bullshit. I have a pulse right now dammit and I will do what it takes to make it thrive. 

Over the years, I’ve lost people I’ve had close relationships with, long relationships, that were abruptly ended by death. I miss these people every day and would give anything to give them an update on my wellbeing. There is no worse feeling than not knowing when your last goodbye to someone will be. I’m sickened by the thought. You can go from being on cloud 9 and thinking that you’re the happiest you’ve ever been then boom, your world shatters into shards and you have to put the pieces back together. 

What I’m saying here is, whoever you’re close with, hug them tight and count your blessings. Make that person laugh so hard that they cry and admire the expressions on their face when they do. 

Most importantly, appreciate what you have, because in the words of The Eagles, “We may lose and we may win, but we will never be here again.” 

Furry Unbreakable Bond

Because of my brothers disabilities our dad never allowed us to have a dog or a cat. The only animal I was ever allowed to own was a hamster. I had two over a period of time and my bond with each one of them only lasted two years since they had such a short life span. 

I’ve been dating my fiancé for a decade and I am fortunate enough to not only fall in love with him. I fell in love with this precious, gentle, little lioness. She’s a 14-year-old Calico cat that I call my Fur Child. Her name is Baby, and she’s my baby. Words can’t explain how much I adore this creature and how much I miss her when she’s not around. I could only hope and pray that she lives to her prime, because I’ve never been as attached to an animal as I am attached to her. 

And to think, that’s only me. Julio has owned her since she was a palm-sized kitten. 

BUT enough with the emotions. Here’s my Baby. 

    
 

 
 

Hello, It’s Me.

I was wondering if after all these years…just kidding, I wasn’t. 

So what’s my excuse this time around for not writing a post in damn near forever? It’s simple. I write every day. 40hrs a week I write for a web design company. Our clients are podiatrists, chiropractors, optometrists, and dentists. I’m not complaining, but dear lord am I learning a little too much about health conditions and the human body. It kinda puts a damper on my passion for creative writing. Especially when the weekends roll around. 

On the other hand, I feel blessed every morning while driving to work. My coworkers make the 8 hours tolerable and because of them it’s much easier to wake up in the morning. I actually look forward to sitting in my cube some days. 

When I’m not working, I’m trying to live in the moment. I’ve lost a few dear family members/friends lately and find myself thinking that when I look up from my phone one day the people around me won’t be here anymore. It’s a sad thought, so I try to cherish every good and bad moment that I experience. 

Things are pretty steady at the moment and I’m thankful for that. 

2016 Is Off to a Great Start

This year has already brought me so much joy. On December 31st, I received a personal message on Facebook that confirmed a number of 2 families who contacted me in 2015 with sons who have been diagnosed with Bcap31.

After being told by their neurologist that Jason and Sean were the only diagnosed case in the US as of December 31st, 2015, we recently learned that there’s actually another case that has developed here.

I haven’t been aware of any support/awareness groups for this genetic disorder which is the reason why I decided to start my own and share my family’s story. I also would like to encourage these families who’ve reached out to share anything about themselves and I want to let them know that they always have a friend in me.

I’m very excited to see how things evolve this year and I’m even more thrilled to build new relationships.

If you or anyone you know has a relative that was recently diagnosed with this genetic disorder, please comment on here, or message/follow my Facebook Page.

 

Bcap31 Awareness Page

Tick Tock

Ever wake up and think, “Where the f*ck has the time gone? Yea, me too.

I’ve been 26 for one week now and lately I’ve just been thinking about time. How much of it has been wasted, how much we spend doing daily tasks. 

Time is a bittersweet bitch. I could go on and on about all of the negative things I’ve spent my time on over the years, but where will that get me? 

All I know is that right now I’m thankful for spending my time with those whom I’ve lost and those who I currently cherish every minute with. 

  

A Night On The Town

My mom has been obsessed with Hootie and the Blowfish since the 90s, so when I heard Darius Rucker was coming to Chicago I wanted her to see him.

I was in charge of getting tickets and it turns out that when we got there we were sitting closer to the stage than I thought.

We sat 9 rows back and enjoyed the concert from behind the hockey boards. He put on an amazing show and I was happy to enjoy a night out with my parents, but more importantly I’m glad they enjoyed a night out.  

 

He Liked It So He Put a Ring on It!

This week has been a whirlwind of overwhelming emotions. It all started when my boyfriend whom I have been dating for 10 years (high school sweethearts) proposed to me in Door County, WI. I was very surprised, excited and I couldn’t be happier. My ring has a story behind it, but I’ll save it for next time. The whole thing still doesn’t feel real. However…I’m experiencing the death of my grandparents all over again in full force because I’m upset that they won’t be around to see how my future unfolds. 

I’ll skip ahead, away from the idea of them being there in spirit, but it’s just unfair and not the same. I’m angry and bitter about it and it’s starting to show. 

Today I visited the cemetery because I needed reassurance that they WILL be with me during this process and I strongly had a need to tell them while looking at their name. Even though I know the answer.
The best news to end my trip to emotional hell is that Julio and I get to celebrate our engagement with the family during my Father’s Oktoberfest party. Yay!