Dammit Nashville. You done gone got me all in my feelings tonight. It’s funny. I realize that when I reach the point of the “ugly cry” that I’m more aware of the different emotions I’ll feel throughout each of my days. The popular ones lately are anxiousness, anger, irritation, and unconditional love, which mostly emerges on the weekends.
Nashville has that ability to stir up thoughts about meeting a character or a person for the very first time, watching how they live their lives with you in it and then BOOM! It shatters your heart into a million goddamn pieces by tossing grief into the mix.
Grief. Hello darkness, my old friend. I think what astonishes me the most about this emotion is the capability it has to reach different levels. Hell, it’s deadly in itself.
I have to say that my strongest relationship with grief comes from the bond that was broken between my Grandpa and I on February 28, 2013. That firecracker of a man was born on July 4th and I’m the female version of him, down to the abrasive words that come out of my mouth.
I have this liberating ability to not give one single damn about someone or anything. But if I love you, I have the powerful ability to do my best to protect you, respect you, and make you laugh while doing so.
I loved and respected that man on a level as high as my father. I took his words to heart and I’d be damned if I disappointed him. I would even brag as a child about wanting to marry him when I got older. Now I’m older, and I dwell on him not being around to watch me get married.
Ending on a spiritual note, I believe that there is an afterlife. I believe that he is in my car every time I get in it, with damn good reason.
I just wish that heaven was a phone call away, because he’d want to FaceTime and I’d give anything to see his face.