Happy Spring, all.
Seems like I only tune into my thoughts once a season, nowadays. I’d like to change that, but honesty is my policy and I won’t lie to you.
Tonight I was watching TV upstairs in my parents’ room, when that one thought entered my brain. You know the one, the one that changes your mood in an instant and can bring a tear to your eye in a split second.
Yea, that peach. It happened so fast. All I could say was thanks, asshole brain.
Anywho, I physically, for one hair of a second, had the urge to go downstairs and hug my brother, Jason. And I was about to jump off the bed to do it. Then I remembered, as fast as that feeling came and went, that he wasn’t home.
Then I missed him. So much so, that it brought tears to my eyes.
That moment finally came. The reality that I’ve been aimlessly living in for the past 7 months just cut my heart strings. In a millisecond.
Suddenly, I remembered how my weeks used to go. When I came home from work, Jason was waiting at the door for me like clockwork. Ready to give me a hug, without even knowing how my day went. I wouldn’t feel as guilty being out of the house because I knew they’d always be there.
Now, we bring them home every Sunday for dinner if we’re not already bringing them home for a long weekend. Now, whenever they are home, I feel guilty for being one second away from them and I do my best to make our time together worth it.
All I can do, is hope that Jason AND Sean enjoy their independence and that Jason doesn’t get mad at me for one second. (Because Sean is never mad at me).
All I know, is that it’s hard to bring them back on Sunday night, knowing that I can’t get my hug for another week.